You Cant Escape Valentines Day Even If You’re Single

You’re spending money this Valentines Day whether you like it or not. Even if you’re not buying chocolates, or some shitty drugstore stuffed animal, or a bouquet of flowers you’re still going to be spending. You don’t need to be in a relationship to open your wallet. Companies are poised to prey on all of your insecurities, single or not. You’ll spend your hard earned cash on booze to forget your painfully lonely life or phone sex, or if you’re really desperate you might even drunkenly sign up for tinder premium.

I’m sure sites like Amazon are counting on you trying to fill the void in your life with items that they can sell you. Valentine’s day ads do one of two things; 1. remind you that your love for your partner is proportional to the amount of money you spend on them, and 2. make you feel like shit because you’re single so you spend money on things to make you feel better about your sad life. Companies KNOW this and they will target you accordingly. Your weak, squishy, emotional human brains can’t resist this, even if you think your superior intelligence allows you to bypass this capitalist holiday, there is no escape, just bend over and accept it.

Romance is dead and so are your hopes and dreams. Bend over, lube up, and let corporate America give you the shaft, it’s probably all you’ll be getting tonight anyway.

Here’s some #sponsored items to get you started


and remember kids, marriage is the leading cause of divorce.

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