Spring Fashion – 5 Items You Need Right Now

Why do you need spring fashion items? I don’t know I’m not a doctor. All I know is ads and marketing will try their hardest to get you to spend money on this crap and I don’t care if you buy stuff either way.

You likely won’t read any of the body copy, you’ll just look at the pretty pictures and skim the headings. If that.

1. COOL YELLOW SNEAKERS – Spring Fashion 💛
Spring fashion is dead. If you're listening to this on a screen reader, consider yourself lucky for not having to see these half-crocks half-sneakers yellow monstrosities

Who wouldn’t want to put these beauties on their feet? Anyone who gives even a single fuck about how they look, that’s who.

2. A beautiful Tree Of Life Pendant 🌸
Spring fashion - An ok looking tree of life pendant

This one’s aight. I mean it’s a pretty tree necklace. Buy it or don’t. I don’t care.  

3. Beautiful & Functional Rfid Blocking Travel Passport Wallet 👜
Spring fashion - A teal wallet with a bunch of stuff in it

Put your whole life in this fucking wallet. DO IT. DO IT MOTHERFUCKER. DO IT BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO. No one is going to read this text. Your eyes will glaze over it as if it were never here. Ironic how I need to write more words so that googles algorithm will show you this article so that you can just not actually read it. 

4. Beach Bikini Swimsuit Cover Crochet Dress 👙
spring fashion A woman modeling a bathing suit cover

Want to cover your body with fabric? This’ll do the trick. Kinda. I mean it’s see-through but whatever. We’re all just meat sacks slowly dying and nothing matters. 

5. Spring Fashion Plaka Flat Summer Sandals 👡
Spring fashion An ugly brown sandal that's not spring fashion. it's just ugly.

This ugly ass flip flop thing is an item you can purchase with your own money and put on your feet, but why would you? Why does anyone do anything? I don’t have the answers to life’s questions. I don’t know much about fashion, let alone spring fashion. I thrive in fall and winter. I’m basically a gremlin that never sees sunlight and I sure as fuck don’t wear open-toed shoes. 

Like wasting your precious time here on earth? Want more garbage in your brain? Check out Non-GMO Sperm Banks: 5 Tips On What You Need To Know.

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