How to Turn Your Jizz Blue

Hey Fuckface, want to know how to turn your baby gravy into a blue raspberry gusher? Of course you do you sick fuck. Turn your Jizz blue.

Here’s what you need:

  • Blue Kool Aid
  • Catheter (can substitute turkey baster if you’re a cheap ass)
  • A measuring cup you’re fine with never using again
  • A less embarrassing story to tell the paramedics

Step One: Find Peace With the Fact that you Will Be Putting Blue Kool Aid Up Your Dick

You’ll be a Man™ in the streets and a Smurf™ in the sheets. There’s a good chance this’ll fuck up your inside parts, so do this at your own risk, and also don’t actually do this. I mean what else do you expect with turning your Jizz Blue?

Step Two: Recognize that With this Act, Humanity Strays Just a Little Bit Further from God

You’re a monster, and you need to know that you’re a bad person. Look in the mirror, make eye contact with yourself and repeat the phrase “Your a bad person” until you know that you are.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get to the fun part.

Step Three: Jizz into the Measuring Cup

This is important, shoving just the powder up there is probably a bad idea. So you’ll want to mix some jizz and Kool Aid. You can substitute out your jizz with sperm from your local organic sperm bank if you can’t make enough on your own.

Fresh is always best though.

Step Four: Mix Kool Aid and Jizz Thoroughly ( This is how to turn your jizz blue )

Wang jangle it around until the Kool Aid is fully disolved into the jizz. How much do you add? I have no idea, I didn’t actually try this and I’m not going to.

You’re putting your dick’s fate into the kool aid god’s hands now.

Step Five: The Fun Part

Shove that catheter in and grab a funnel. Fuck, forgot about the funnel. Yea you’re probobly going to need one of those.

Pour that now-blue-jizz in and hope that you’re not making a horrible mistake, but you probobly are.

Step Six: Go to the Emergency Room

Your dick may actually fall off. Call 911 and tell them the story I hope you came up with before you started making poor life choices.

Congrats! Your Jizz is Now Blue

I mean, you asked for this. Accept the consequences.

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