The Uranium Diet: Can you Actually Eat Uranium? What Science Says . . .

Can you eat Uranium? What do scientists say? Probably something like “No you fucking dumb ass”.

can you eat uranium
Uranium has 20 Billion Calories. Fuck that’s a lot.

So . . . what the fuck even are calories?

In 1925, calories became scientifically defined in terms of joules, which are units typically used by physicists to describe the amount of work needed to force one newton through one meter. This is why you sometimes see calories being called kilojoules, especially in Europe and Australia. One calorie equals 4.18 joules; 1 joule equals 0.000239006 of a calorie.


Ok so that was some sciency stuff that I KNOW you don’t understand, and you won’t even if I try to explain it to you. So basically calories are energy.

So can you eat Uranium?

Of course you can. If you can put it in your mouth, and actually eat it, then you can eat it. This however doesn’t mean that you can eat FUCKING URANIUM without any consequences.

So, what would actually happen if you eat it?

Mutant supper powers. You’ll be a fuckin’ X-Man. You’ll be able to jizz lazers and fight a tank. Totally legit. Not exaggerating even a little bit.

This definitely won’t melt your insides or burn a hole through you from the inside out.

How much uranium is safe to eat?

You can eat as much uranium as you want. Uranium is basically free calories. You won’t gain any weight or get bloated. You’ll have that natural green radioactive glow. It’ll be great. Trust me. I’m a doctor.

The benefits of eating Uranium:

  • Green glowing skin
  • Death
  • Supper powers maybe?
  • idk

I did no research, and I’m not going to. Eat it if you want, I cant stop you. I also don’t give a fuck, no one is going to read this. I need a nap.

So in conclusion, Can you actually eat Uranium?

Yes. But only once.

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