So, the Easter Bunny is one crazy motherfucker.
This year, the current apocalypse threatens to cancel Easter, and that mAkES tHe easTerBUNny AnGry. He now demands a blood sacrifice for every Jesus-beliver who stays home just because some pussy ass scientists and doctors said so.
[I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PUT THIS DISCLAIMER IN HERE, BUT THIS IS NOT REAL. I KNOW SOME OF YOU DUMB FUCKS WILL BELIEVE THIS AND I NEED TO BE LIKE 50% OF A RESPONSIBILITY ADULT HERE, SO DON’T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY]
Usually I’d leave it up to natural selection, but it looks like the virus has that part covered for now.
Ok, back to the fuckery.
The Easter Bunny is Pissed . . .
This whole apocalypse thing is really getting in the way of the Easter Bunny’s yearly-mind-control-plot where he fills colorful eggs with candy laced with tracking chips for all the little boys and girls and non-binaries to eat so that he can implant them with the chips and know their every move from now until they die.
Why Does He Do This? And How do We Know it’s a “HE” You Fucking Bigot?
He does this so that he can know when you’re about to die, show up, and harvest your soul to nourish his Easter egg crops. Souls of the damned are what make them so pretty and colorful.
The Easter Bunny has recently developed a meth addiction, and he needs more souls to sell for drug money. He also occasionally indulges in PCP.
And You Thought Santa Was Creepy . . . At least he sticks to just hidden cameras.
So What Can I do to Protect Myself From this Drugged Out Furry ?
If he shows up at your door, just toss a little bag of meth to lure him away. Then taser him, load him into your trunk, and leave him in the nearest Forrest, or on the doorstep of someone you hate.
But What if I Don’t Have Any Meth?
Lol yoiu shoulda thought about that while you were busy *having a job* and *not doing meth* ya fuck.